How was this different from what you expected?.Is there anything you’d want to do differently if we did this again?.What surprised you? How did that make you feel?.Some questions you might ask yourself or each other: “Unpack what you’re both feeling, what can be done to neutralize any bad or icky feeling, and what you can do to eliminate any bad feelings and enhance any good moving if you do it again.” She recommends checking in both with your partner and yourself. “For some people stuff comes up immediately after, the day after, or even later than that,” says Jean. “Stop when you need to stop and don’t be in a rush to ‘get things done’ or ‘tick off a rough sex box.’” After all is said and cum (er, done)ĭon’t be surprised if getting down and dirty rough-style brings up some feels! This is totally normal.
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Remember: “There’s infinite time! Don’t feel like it’s your only opportunity to get have this kind of sex. “Checking in goes beyond just what they say, it also means reading their nonverbal cues,” says Jean. That’s why communicating with your partner throughout the scene is so important. That means you and your boo may have crafted a scene around something you’re just not into IRL. “The things that make us salivate when we see them in porn may not be as enjoyable in real life,” says Jean. In a BDSM scene where one person is “doing” the roughness and the other person is receiving the roughness, know that either of you can use the safe word, says Jean. There’s a misconception that only the receptive (or submissive) partner may need a safe word. It’s an easy way to qualify just how hard or soft the impact really feels.Īfter being spanked or paddled, for example, you might say, “That was a 4, and I want to get to about an 8.” If you’re exploring impact play, you might decide to use a 1 to 10 scale. This could be a leg squeeze or shaking your head “no” three times. If you’re playing with oral or breath asphyxiation, you should also establish a nonverbal safe word.
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For example, “yellow” for slow down or nearing your peak and “red” for a full stop and check-in. “When you’re engaging in rough sex, you’ll have a heightened rush of adrenaline, which can influence how far you’re willing to go,” says Saynt.Įstablishing boundaries ahead of time minimizes the risk of doing something you might regret. Before anything happensĬhat with your boo-thing(s) about what acts you want to explore, what you’re each hoping to get out of it, and why you’re interested in exploring it. Spoiler alert: Rough sex isn’t all orgasms and screams of pleasure. Have a partner in mind for all this roughhousing? You should each make one of these lists individually and also make one as a couple.
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Since “rough sex” can mean, like, a bajillion different things, you have to figure out what rough things you actually want to try!
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It may not need to be said, but there’s a H-U-G-E difference between having a partner push you up against a wall and pound you hard and deep and having your partner tie you to a bed and whip you until your welts say their name. Identifying and establishing limits is key